Mother & Daughter Clash- Please help me!?

I have an unstable relationship with my mother. I have not lived with her in quite some time, and I am currently living with my grandparents and my brother. My mother lives with her husband (my step-dad), which I do not look upon fondly. My sister also lives with them. When I was younger he was a very dishonest, cruel, cold-hearted person. A lot of verbal abuse, and some physical abuse. He left a lot of emotional baggage, to say the least. I went through a lot; and it stings because my mother does not call or come to visit us. I mentally, cannot handle seeing my step-dad. I am also a young mother, and do not want my daughter to think that he’s a great person, or her grandfather. This is because he has not changed. When I occasionally talk to my mother, I tell her that her granddaughter misses her and wants to see her. My mother says, “Well, you know where I live.”, even though she knows I cannot cope with the pain my step-dad caused our whole family. When I was younger, and still to this day, she always puts her husband before any of her kids. It really hurts because I am still young and want that connection, but on the other hand, it’s too painful. My mother expects us to come visit her. I used to call a lot and make plans with her, but she always backs out and never keeps her promises. She also says things to my daughter like, “When grandma comes next time, we’re going to have fun and go do this or that.“ Of course, it never happens. My daughter is almost three, and remembers everything my mother says, and cries when she can’t see her grandmother. I am mentally exhausted and hurt. I do not know how to cope with any of it for myself, or for my daughter. Please, help!